i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
