one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
