I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
