blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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