I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
