i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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