Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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