What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
are you so shy because you have an std?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
