I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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