Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
