She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
