i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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