got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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