I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
