Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
