im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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