This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
