Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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