WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
