Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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