we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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