just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
