you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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