A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
