It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
