I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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