WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
