just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
