wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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