i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
