I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
