omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
