I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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