this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
