farters have to be the big spoon...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
