somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You dont lie about slip and slides
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
