dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
