I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
