I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
