I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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