The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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