Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dude. I can hear the air.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
