im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
