so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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