U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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