Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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