How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
