Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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