so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
