ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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