He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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