His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
